It's funny what happens when you turn 33. At least, for me it was. And it's not like on my birthday I had this great epiphany, it had been happening for a while before. But tonight, as I was putting my baby girl to bed, in the quiet of her room where I just sit and think, I thought about the person I was a few years ago, compared to the person I am now. I was pretty insecure, worried about what other people thought, unsure of my abilities as a mother and as a wife, and of course, self-conscious of how I looked. But after I had Lucy, those thoughts slowly began to go out the window and I have to see it has been the most freeing experience. Unlike after I had my first two children, where I was so worried about how I looked compared to all of the other very cute, thin, girls in my neighborhood, after I had Lucy those thoughts didn't even cross my mind. I finally realized that I just had a baby and my body is awesome for doing that! So what if I gained a few (50 pounds), at least I have this amazing baby girl to show for it. But, that doesn't mean I stopped being healthy. In fact, I started working out sooner than with the other two, but not because I wanted to be skinny, it was because I wanted to be the healthiest person I could be for these amazing people:
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Yes, I know I'm in the picture, but I am pretty amazing. Anyway, exercise was no longer a means to an end, meaning the end being skinny. Now, there was no longer an end. If you have ever been in my house, you would see all of my girls' one-month pictures on my wall. When I would exercise at night, after a really long day of being a new mom to three kids and never being so tired in my whole entire life, I would look at their pictures while I worked out and remember that I wasn't doing this for me anymore, it was for them. My family being my focus, instead of myself, has helped me so much.
Also, my somewhat epiphany has made me come to the realization that I'm no longer in my 20's, my metabolism is much slower than it once was, having three kids really stretches out your skin, and "bouncing back" is no longer a phrase in my lexicon. My body is different, which isn't bad, just different. But I can say that I have never been healthier in my life than I am now. I go running in the mornings, I try to eat as healthily as I can, although I do love Kraft Mac & Cheese, and I have recently stopped drinking soda which has been so difficult, but I feel like it's been worth it. Because I have been blessed with girls, it has become so important for them to never feel like how they look is bad, to never think of themselves as fat, to not associate the size of your jeans with how happy you'll allow yourself to be, and to just love who they are because they are incredible. And I know that as they get older, these feelings will come, but they will never see their mother on a scale looking disappointed and talking about how her belly hangs over her pants. In fact, if they ever comment about anything that has to do with my body that they think looks funny, I always reply with, "Isn't is awesome how my body made you guys?"
Sure, it's not awesome no longer being in my 20's, but I am loving my 30's because I feel like I'm finally becoming who I was always meant to be. I just wish it didn't take 33 years to finally feel like myself.
