1) When I was 9 and living on Altus Air Force Base in Oklahoma, my genius brothers and their friends decided that it would be fun to take the Christmas Tree lights off the bushes and trees and throw them at people's doors. I, of course, followed them because I was always following them around and during this great adventure the military police were driving around and caught me and my brother Isaac, but only because I ran out of the bush that he and I were hiding in. We were put into their police car, taken to the station, and had a report filled out. My poor mother had to come to the station and pick us up. Unfortunately, my poor parents dealt with this kind of thing a lot.
2) Another time in Oklahoma, I was walking in the creek by my house with my friend, Rona. We, of course, had taken our shoes off because why should you wear shoes when walking in an irrigation ditch? Any way, I ended up stepping on a large piece of glass that went into the ball of my foot, walked about a mile to my home with a bloody footprint every step of the way, and finally got home to an angry father because he had told me about a million times not to walk in that ditch because I might step on glass. He took me to the hospital and because he is an oral surgeon, he felt it would be best if he stitched my foot up. Oh, and before he did it, I asked him through terrified and scared sobs if it was going to hurt and he slowly looked up at me with a smile and responded, "don't worry honey, this won't hurt me a bit."
3) Going along with the glass in my foot, after my dad was done stitching me up, he got my medicine, which was pink in a clear bottle, and took me home. He was not too happy with me still and when it was time to take the medicine he called me into the kitchen so I grabbed my crutches and hobbled in. In the kitchen there stood my father with the open door to the fridge and my brother Josh sitting on the counter. My dad reached for my medicine, grabbed a spoon, and started to pour, but little did he know he grabbed the Calamine lotion next to the bottle of my medicine. Both bottles were pink. I knew this and my brother saw what happened and try to tell my dad, but he was too mad and told him to be quiet before he could say anything. So after two spoon fulls of Calamine lotion and the terrified and apologetic look on my brother's face, I was done. And almost immediately I hobbled into the bathroom and threw-up. That was almost 20 years ago and my dad still feels bad.
4) When I was a sophomore in high school, my friend Julie was the only one who had her license so of course, she drove everywhere. Well, one night we all tried to pile into her car, but it was too small and there wasn't enough room. Being the genius I am, I volunteered to lay in the trunk because I thought it would be fun. Well, Julie forgot to turn her headlights on and got pulled over and as the cop was walking to the car my friends were telling me to be quiet, as if I was going to yell "HELLO OFFICER!" to him. Now, everything would have been fine, but Julie put her purse and wallet in the trunk, so of course she had to open it and when she did all I could do was start laughing and say, "how's it going?" Obviously, this didn't go over too well, but fortunately, after about a 30 minute lecture from the cop, we were both given warnings and let go.
5) After dances were over in high school, there was always an activity that you would do afterwards, whether it was to rent out a theater and watch a movie, go swimming, or roast marshmallows over a campfire. Fortunately, my friends were way more creative and I remember one after dance activity in particular that was the most fun and exciting ever. The guys that we went with with worked at the golf course and decided to sneak us all in and take the golf carts out and go for a midnight joy ride. About half way through, all of the sudden we saw lights coming toward us and realized that security had spotted us, so we floored the carts, which went about 15 miles an hour, jumped off when we got close to the entry and somehow I hurdled the 5 foot fence that was standing between freedom and getting arrested by golf course cops. It was awesome.
6) A couple of years ago, Hubert and I went to the Sundance Film Festival with our good friends, Matt and Jenny Meese. We decided that night to instead of going to movies, we wanted to find as many celebrities as we could, and we ended up having one of the most fun nights of my life. Not only did we get denied three times when trying to get into the Entertainment Weekly party, but we saw Kevin Bacon, Kyra Sedgwick, Tara Reid, Crispin Gloven, Nick Cannon, and so many more. The best part for me was when Adam Brody put his arm around me and I got a picture, but the funniest part was when Puff Daddy was standing right next to Jenny and she asked for his autograph and he didn't even smile at her and just nodded his head no and got into his car and drove off. I don't know if any of us had ever of have ever since laughed as hard as we did that night.
