This is no good

Like so many others in this vast universe, I have read, and um, re-read the Twilight books.  I have lived vicariously through the lives of these teenagers and their angst, sour dispositions, and finally, forbidden vampire love.  I have enjoyed talking to many people about the books, people I would have never spoken to before like that strange woman I saw in my dermatologist's office with a patch over her eye.  Hey, she was reading the book and I had to say something.  And because I have become so familiar with these characters I expected more from the picture above.  Unlike many people, mostly women, I think the casting of this movie was correct.  Edward, being played by Robert Pattinson, is someone I think would do a good job mainly because I saw him in the fourth Harry Potter movie and liked him...even though he was a teenager.  Is that weird because I'm 27?  I won't think about it.  And Bella, being played by Kristen Stewart, is just pretty enough, but not quite drop-dead gorgeous.  And in the books, their descriptions are simple.  Edward is good-looking and Bella is somewhat plain.  So let's go  back to the picture.  Does it represent these two in the right light?  I think not.  It's as if they got to the photo shoot and the photographer had no idea who they were, had never even heard of the books, and just found out he was a vampire.  I can only imagine the conversation he had with the actors when they arrived and I'm sure it went something like this:

"Oh, you are supposed to be a vampire?  Interesting.  And you, you are his girlfriend?  How does that work?  Oh, no I haven't read the books.  Now let's see. (Photographer to hairdresser)  You know, Michael, I don't think we will be needing you today.  I think I know the perfect people who would get this done perfectly and they're cheap.  All they need is a round brush and aquanet."

(Photographer to make-up artist) "You know, Mariel, you can also take the day off.  My friend, Robert, is in town and frankly, he doesn't have a whole lot to do.  I just hope he brings the right shade of red."

And finally, (photographer to stylist) "And Jacques, take an early lunch. I'm going to go back in time to fetch my good friend, Steff.  He's the best at fashions that require button-up shirts to expose bare chests.  I wonder if he will suggest a pastel suit with white loafers and no socks.  If only I knew the state that "John Hughes Town" was in."

Cost to make good-looking guy look like a girl, $3000 dollars. Cost to make good-looking girl look like a 1940's harlot, $4000 dollars.  The agonizing screams that millions of women made at the sight of this picture, priceless.